Why? Part 2

Credit: Taras Zaluzhny

Every day we are faced with life. 

Work, play, love, anger, friendship, hardship, all these contribute to the experience of living. Very often, we go through life without considering why we do so. Rather, living comes to us just as naturally and automatically as breathing. Why do you want to live? Why do you want to be happy? Why do you want to love? Why do you want to spend time with friends? You just do. And these seemingly innate desires rule your decisions, and often shape your life without you realizing or taking the time to rationalize them.

We don't always need to have a "deeper" reason or purpose for what we do. We live and act the way we want. Most of the time, this seems to work perfectly well for us.

Yet life isn't always so simple for us. Humanity has developed a desire to have a different purpose than just living for the sake of living. This seems to be both a blessing and a curse, for it has the capability of either giving us great joy and fulfillment, or it can tear us down and leave us empty.   

Why can't life just be simple? Why can't we be born, grow up enjoying and exploring life, for some of us fall in love, maybe have children, and then eventually die just happy that you got to experience life? Why do so many of us seem to need something beyond that?

Before I continue... 

I need to be very honest with you and with myself. I cannot tell you what your life's purpose should be. What gives me purpose may not give you purpose. My values may be different than yours, my desires and dreams might not be the same as yours. And mine are by no means better than yours. So please don't misunderstand anything I say as judging you or telling you what you should long for. I am not preaching a dogma to you, I am merely expressing my own thoughts. Still, I hope that as I relay my own struggle to gain purpose, perhaps you will find some inspiration or at least a different way of viewing life.

Credit: Abigail Faith

When I left religion 

When I left my religion, my greatest struggles with depression began. I felt no purpose, no meaning to anything. I was insignificant, one of the billions upon billions of creatures that has lived on this planet, and not one that had much of an impact on the world either. History books probably wouldn't write of me, the vast majority of the world had no idea that I even existed. But even if I became famous, and everyone knew of me, the universe itself isn't guaranteed to exist forever, let alone mankind as a species. How likely is it that when the sun ceases to shine, and the Earth is destroyed, that my name and legacy will continue on? 

That really screwed with me. Problem was, I had no one to discuss this with in person. I hadn't yet come out as an atheist, and on top of that, out in the Bible-belt of Montana where I lived, nearly every community I knew of was based around the religion I left. I was left alone in the dark, with only books, YouTube personas, and blog posts to give me some form of comfort and companionship with my new thoughts. There were more sleepless nights had, and more sobbing alone in bed at that time than I ever had before and hopefully will ever have. 

Isolation has a way of destroying hope, and on top of that, I already had clinical depression. Being a human, I needed the attention, love, empathy, companionship, and community of other humans. And finding purpose on one's own is damnably hard. 

Thankfully, through both contemplating the writings of others, and many of my own scribbled out thoughts, I managed to gain some much-needed perspective (which is yet another story I'll get to).
 

Credit: Ali Yahya

When contemplating "why"

Think of your favorite book (mine for the longest time was Eragon by Christopher Paolini). When you finished its last page and closed it, perhaps you were sad that it ended. But did you say it was meaningless? As the curtain fell on the final scene of your favorite movie, did you declare it was a waste of time? For both, of course not. You enjoyed them, you loved them. They had meaning to you, even if they ended. 

You and I may not live forever, mankind might be eventually wiped out, and the universe may give way to heat death and be devoid of life. Yet when the last star dies, and all light is snuffed out, it will not erase our reality. Nothing can change the fact that we lived, we loved, we laughed and cried. We existed. 

Our lives are part of the cosmic song, the notes of which are individual and unique to each of us. Our existence gives further complexity and beauty to the universe, and whether we are consciously remembered or not, our impact will last forever. 

This is the crux of the issue. Will you exist consciously forever? Probably not. Your last page will be written, and the curtains will close on your life. But the notes of your song will forever remain. You and I have an amazing opportunity to contribute to the breathtaking cosmic canvas. Every single action, every feeling, every thought we have will be its own unique brushstroke on this painting, leaving behind the brilliant glow of our lives. 

In this, I have found my purpose. I long to help create a better, more loving, more beautiful, more gracious, more caring existence for everyone. As I have written elsewhere, I want to help create a universe of ever-increasing bliss. Here I find my meaning, my reason to live even if my life falls apart around me.

There is only one question remaining to be answered: what mark do you wish to leave upon the universe? Perhaps the answer to this question will be the purpose you are looking for.